VERY bizarre vintage items that would never sell today

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Toaster bacon, inflatable sauna pants and LUBE for your Rubik’s Cube: ads reveal VERY bizarre vintage items that would never sell today

  • Ad cache reveals weird items sold to 20th century customers
  • They include a very painful looking “rectifier” for constipation or hemorrhoids.
  • Includes many sexist items, such as a fake “plush girl head” for men










The past is a foreign land, it is said – and a recently discovered cache of old advertisements featuring very bizarre products may prove the saying to be true.

These bizarre 20th century newspaper advertisements all feature innovative articles that clearly haven’t caught on.

From a very painful “rectorotor” that claims to relieve constipation and “prostate problems”, to the oddly flat toaster bacon and a tube of lubricant to grease your Rubik’s Cube, these are the products that would never sell. today.

And some articles will make you wonder why anyone ever thought customers would want one.

Ouch! This instrument – designed to fit inside your rectum – claims it will help your “piles, constipation and prostate problems”, but is more like a torture device that will do more harm than good.

Some of the weird vintage items advertised in the newspapers that have been found recently are weirdly flat toaster bacon

Other items include plush girl heads - a very sexist item aimed at men who want proof of their

Some of the bizarre vintage newspaper items that have been found recently are weirdly flat toaster bacon (left) and fake stuffed girl heads (right) – a very sexist article that parodies the heads of stuffed animals intended for men who want proof of their “conquests”

The models in this vintage ad tried - and failed - to look chic in these hilarious inflatable sauna pants that didn't find their way into the 21st century

The models in this vintage ad tried – and failed – to look chic in these hilarious inflatable sauna pants that didn’t find their way into the 21st century

Before the days of health and safety - or common sense?  A hob over a fridge would surely lower your fridge temperature, while we're not sure it's a good idea to have a sink so close to a fridge or stove.

Before the days of health and safety – or common sense? A hob over a fridge would surely lower your fridge temperature, while we’re not sure it’s a good idea to have a sink so close to a fridge or stove.

This bizarre object could make your eggs shaped like a cube - but why you would want them that shape is a mystery

Another ad is for a canvas bag that you can attach to your car - for your dog.  The RSPCA wouldn't be happy if you did that!

This weird object (left) might make your eggs look like a cube – but why you’d want them that shape is a mystery. Another ad is for a canvas bag that you can tie to your car (right) – for your dog. The RSPCA wouldn’t be happy if you did that!

This device is unlikely to be able to help you regrow your hair - and it will just make you look very silly in the process.

This device is unlikely to be able to help you regrow your hair – and it will just make you look very silly in the process.

Is there anything scarier than gifting your sweetheart a pair of your bronze lips to mount on the wall?

Is there anything scarier than gifting your sweetheart a pair of your bronze lips to mount on the wall?

This pillow is perfect for teenage fans who have a crush on someone famous - though tastes may have changed since this ad was released.

Another bizarre and quite sexist vintage item is a massage vibrator which, according to the ad,

This pillow is perfect for teenage fans who have a crush on someone famous – though tastes may have changed since this ad was released (left). Another bizarre and quite sexist vintage item is a massage vibrator that the ad says will “keep her young and pretty” (right)

Can't swim?  No problem if you wore these super loose swimsuits which had

Can’t swim? No problem if you wore these super loose swimsuits which had “invisible” floating aids inside the pockets.

We have Christmas lights for a reason!  The glow-in-the-dark Christmas tree never really took off

We have Christmas lights for a reason! The glow-in-the-dark Christmas tree never really took off

Rubik's Cubes were all the rage in the 1980s - so much so that a company invented a

Rubik’s Cubes were all the rage in the 1980s – so much so that a company invented a “lubricant” for your cube to make it spin more easily.

Imagine walking into the kitchen and seeing your mom, dad, daughter, son, brother or sister wearing one

Imagine walking into the kitchen and seeing your mom, dad, daughter, son, brother or sister wearing one

Underwear in which you can also go swimming (as long as they are not white, because they will turn transparent) were advertised in this newspaper

Another strange article sold in the newspapers was a

Underwear that you can also swim in (as long as it’s not white, as it will turn transparent) was advertised in this log (left) – I wonder why they didn’t take? Another weird newspaper article was ‘Facial Gymnastics’ which claims to tone your neck and face (right)

Guess where you are wearing this?  This

Guess where you are wearing this? This “suspense bag” claims it will stop rubbing or pinching if you’re active – but we hope no one has worn one to impress someone in the bedroom

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